Medicine is out.

My first result is out. I was reading in bed when my mobile groaned on my bedside table. I groaned too. Who was it now? ‘Medicine is out’, said the message. Oh, I see.

I allowed myself to fall back into bed and became very aware of my beating heart and of a whirlpool of doom forming in my gut. Slowly I got out of bed and walked calmly to the computer. I almost whistled to convince myself that I was completely calm and in control of the freaky situation. I took the book with me, so that I could pretend to read while my computer switched itself on, the browser coughed into motion and esims loaded.

But I couldn’t read, so I prayed instead. A D, please please please! Give me a D! A D! A D! While I went on with my sad mantra I entered esims. And there it was, my result.

I prayed for a D because the last time I did well in my exams (four whole years ago), I prayed for a C when I wanted a B. And I actually got an A and a B in the subjects that mattered. So I repeat, like a superstitious monkey, the small things that led me to success four years ago. I beg for the minimum I need to scrape by to perhaps get something better.

I almost forgot: My result was OK. OKish.